Christy on a Journey

April 17, 2012

Day Two

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , — christyonajourney @ 3:47 pm

This week is the early resolution hearing regarding my in-process divorce. My ex-husband and I would have been married 8 years in June. It has been heartbreaking to think about this phase of my life coming to an end. When things literally came to a head between me and my Ex, I wasn’t very kind. I was angry, bitter, resentful, and caused damage. I used the internet as a platform to embarrass, and humiliate him.  I am not the one who should be standing in judgement of his wrong doings. I am not the one who should be standing there with my hand outstretched fingers pointing shouting…”Look at what he has done!”I am ashamed of my own behavior, and while God knows the Ex made mistakes and bad choices, he also knows that I. DID. TOO.

Matthew 7: 3-5

And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye?Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

It is difficult to try to enumerate the count down to the point in which you can say “I. AM. DONE.” in a relationship. That point is different for everyone, and some people leave just because they are tired of the work. I stayed far longer than most of the people who knew the situation would have liked. I didn’t stay long enough for some. If I were to live my life according to what “others” think is best, God will never be satisfied. Let me say this and only this: I stayed until I felt God say to me “Go Now!”. If you find yourself or have found yourself in a situation you will know exactly what I mean. Your heart knows, your spirit knows, and your world will prompt you accordingly.

Following God’s will (this always makes my youngest giggle, his name is Will and he is God’s Will too) is a method of living that is not always easy. The Holy Spirit’s promptings are often contrary to what the sinful world would want for us to do. God desires us to be a beacon to the lost, the lighthouse in the storm.  This world is a storm folks, and there is some ugly clouds flying around and high winds doing some major damage. My marriage was destroyed due to succumbing to the temptations of the world and the teasing of the lost.

Job 26: 11-13

The pillars of heaven tremble,
And are astonished at His rebuke.
12 He stirs up the sea with His power,
And by His understanding He breaks up the storm.
13 By His Spirit He adorned the heavens;
His hand pierced the fleeing serpent.

However, I feel as if it has been the opportunity God wanted; to take me through his refining fire. I have been brought to my knees, begged for his forgiveness, and felt his ire for my deliberate sinful ways. By turning to God and acknowledging Christ’s sacrifice I know that I am forgiven. With forgiveness and the acceptance of God’s love I accept his protection. I wish to be protected, and love the idea of God swooping down and piercing the enemy as he flees….I am learning to ask for protection, learning to revel in that warm embrace, learning to trust that God’s Will is far superior to any plan that I may have concocted on my own with out his assistance.

Glory to God,

Christy

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