Christy on a Journey

April 21, 2012

Forgiveness is a Journey

Filed under: husband, marriage, me — christyonajourney @ 3:28 pm

This week was my first appearance in Divorce Court.  Due to some very unfortunate situations we are also dealing with a restraining order and the kids haven’t seen their Dad in 6 months. Needless to say, when I see HIM (we will call him M from now on), it invokes a lot of mixed emotions.  I had lived in that marriage well past any love, or hope of love for more than 2 years. I endured abuses and made my share of mistakes as we danced the dance of limbo for years. The kids suffered, I suffered, M suffered. We. All. Suffered.

M and I have decided to walk this process with out attorneys. So there we sat before this judge trying to make sense of a challenging judicial experience.  We have agreed to go to mediation. The Judge has agreed to review the restraining order once M submits some paperwork illustrating compliance with some other programs.

Many might question why I am so quick to forgive and move on.  I can only say this: “God told me to!” How could I possibly expect M to forgive me and move forward if I haven’t done the same? Divorce is a difficult decision and the Biblical implications are big. I don’t want to create a platform for debate, because it truly is between you and God. Also, what moves your heart and how you respond to God’s prompting is up to you. I prayed long and hard and waited YEARS before I felt as if God released me.

My girlfriend drove me down to the courthouse, and provided some great emotional support to me during the rest of the day. Before we left the car, and entered the courthouse I decided to play some Psalm Roulette…you know when you flip your bible open, and let God guide your reading…I landed on Psalm 32 (The Blessedness of Forgiveness) I LOVE that God gives us scripture to guide out prayers and our paths. So we prayed, I cried, and I longed for a time when there wasn’t all this pain.

The Joy of Forgiveness

A Psalm of David. A Contemplation.[a]

32 Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven,
Whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity,
And in whose spirit there is no deceit.

When I kept silent, my bones grew old
Through my groaning all the day long.
For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me;
My vitality was turned into the drought of summer. Selah
I acknowledged my sin to You,
And my iniquity I have not hidden.
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”
And You forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah

For this cause everyone who is godly shall pray to You
In a time when You may be found;
Surely in a flood of great waters
They shall not come near him.
You are my hiding place;
You shall preserve me from trouble;
You shall surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will guide you with My eye.
Do not be like the horse or like the mule,
Which have no understanding,
Which must be harnessed with bit and bridle,
Else they will not come near you.

10 Many sorrows shall be to the wicked;
But he who trusts in the Lord, mercy shall surround him.
11 Be glad in the Lord and rejoice, you righteous;
And shout for joy, all you upright in heart!

The Journey to Forgiveness is long, arduous and sometimes painful.  I am still on this journey. Seeking and giving both, I pray that M can forgive me for all the different ways I failed him and our marriage. I pray that I can continue to forgive M for all the different ways he failed me/the kids and our marriage. God is mighty and can move mountains, he certainly can move my heart!

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