Christy on a Journey

April 26, 2012

Casting Out Fear

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , — christyonajourney @ 9:58 pm

What does the casting out of fear look like in your life? I never really applied it until recently. I wish I could say that at the age of 38 I am strong, settled, and have it all figured out…you know what? I don’t have a clue some most days. I have spent most of my days stumbling, tripping and crashing around haphazardly hoping to land on the right thing.

My story is one that is convoluted at best. I have made so many mistakes, and hurt so many people in the process of my own damaging behavior. These days I am sowing the seeds that I have sown in my past, through a failed marriage, children that will have to cope with the repercussions from my mistakes. As I search for peace and struggle to find forgiveness for myself, I find I get anxious.

I want the answers now.  I want a JOB. I want a HOME. I want to figure stuff out RIGHT. NOW.

As a indirect and direct result of my choices and the things that we are dealing with, the choices of my soon to be ex husband there are many compromises the children have been forced to make with me. First we do not have a home of our own anymore. The kids and I are living with family friends, because I do not have a job. I do not have a job because of poor choices on my part, and my need to fix things “my way”, I was terminated.

I am sharing all of this to illustrate what I am doing differently NOW. In this season, I am turning to God. I am turning to scripture, I am searching the Word of God. I am seeking out the counsel of other women of God, I am allowing myself to be held accountable by those that do really care about me.

Here is the crazy thing…as much as I want answers now…God is telling me to wait. to not fear. Everything that I am hearing comes down to casting away my fear and being patient and wait for God.  So I am working to cast away fear and to bask in God’s Love knowing that his provision is enough and his timing is what is best for me.

1 John Chapter 4…

17 Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. 19 We love Him[b] because He first loved us.

So This is me….casting out fear…again and again and again.

April 16, 2012

An Introduction

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , — christyonajourney @ 6:22 pm

I have had this blog for nearly 2 years, I started it in secret from my soon to be ex husband. I was trying to cope with the disintegration of my marriage, the depth of my depression, and the denial of his addictions (both his denial and mine).

I deleted those old posts, they were so sad. I was so sad, and didn’t know how to say “HEY! I am so SAD!” or “SHEESH this just sucks!”. I can say that now. It is okay to say that now. I don’t always feel that way now, and whew that is such a blessing.

Nearly 6 months ago my world came crashing down around me.  Unfortunately it crashed on my daughter’s 9th birthday. We lost everything. Home, partner/father, lively hood, independence, and sense of peace. The culmination of His poor choices and Mine collided in an epic manner, with the result being the demise of a marriage and a family.

The upside to all of this is I have returned to my faith in a bigger and bolder way than ever before. My kids are ALL getting the help they so desperately needed, as am I. We are being given the opportunity to start over and begin anew. I can face my hurdles head on and be strong in the knowledge that God will walk me through any tribulation. Seeing the truth in addictions, disabilities, and shortcomings is just a part of life. God loves everyone, and gives the same opportunities for redemption to us all. Thank You God!

So in a big and whole new fashion I am starting a new journey.  Searching for a new career, journeying through the mayhem that can be single parenthood, and learning to live on my own.

I have missed writing, as if a part of my soul has been absent. Coming back to blogging is a great opportunity to find that footing again and I hope you will follow along. It is bound to be a bumpy ride, and I know that I will stumble and fall.

He staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strong in faith, giving glory to God  Romans 4:20

Will you journey with me?

Christy

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