Christy on a Journey

April 26, 2012

Casting Out Fear

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , — christyonajourney @ 9:58 pm

What does the casting out of fear look like in your life? I never really applied it until recently. I wish I could say that at the age of 38 I am strong, settled, and have it all figured out…you know what? I don’t have a clue some most days. I have spent most of my days stumbling, tripping and crashing around haphazardly hoping to land on the right thing.

My story is one that is convoluted at best. I have made so many mistakes, and hurt so many people in the process of my own damaging behavior. These days I am sowing the seeds that I have sown in my past, through a failed marriage, children that will have to cope with the repercussions from my mistakes. As I search for peace and struggle to find forgiveness for myself, I find I get anxious.

I want the answers now.  I want a JOB. I want a HOME. I want to figure stuff out RIGHT. NOW.

As a indirect and direct result of my choices and the things that we are dealing with, the choices of my soon to be ex husband there are many compromises the children have been forced to make with me. First we do not have a home of our own anymore. The kids and I are living with family friends, because I do not have a job. I do not have a job because of poor choices on my part, and my need to fix things “my way”, I was terminated.

I am sharing all of this to illustrate what I am doing differently NOW. In this season, I am turning to God. I am turning to scripture, I am searching the Word of God. I am seeking out the counsel of other women of God, I am allowing myself to be held accountable by those that do really care about me.

Here is the crazy thing…as much as I want answers now…God is telling me to wait. to not fear. Everything that I am hearing comes down to casting away my fear and being patient and wait for God.  So I am working to cast away fear and to bask in God’s Love knowing that his provision is enough and his timing is what is best for me.

1 John Chapter 4…

17 Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. 19 We love Him[b] because He first loved us.

So This is me….casting out fear…again and again and again.

Advertisements

Blog at WordPress.com.